And oh, did I mentioned how I wish I was a rapper? Rapper tell stories. I would pay great attention when it comes to the rapping part. LOL. Eminem has made me render speechless many times, you know? He raps about his life and all and that has made him stronger. He's not afraid of life. He deals with it. Not all rappers are hard-hearted. I mean, look at this song lyric by Eminem ;
"Hailie's Song"
[Intro - Spoken]
Yo, I can't sing it
I feel like singin'
I wanna fuckin' sing
Cuz I'm happy
Yeah, I'm happy
Ha Ha
I got my baby back
Yo, check it out
[Intro - Spoken]
Yo, I can't sing it
I feel like singin'
I wanna fuckin' sing
Cuz I'm happy
Yeah, I'm happy
Ha Ha
I got my baby back
Yo, check it out
[Verse 1 - Sung]
Some days I sit, starin' out the window
Watchin' this world pass me by
Sometimes I think theres nothin' to live for
I almost break down and cry
Somtimes I think I'm crazy
I'm crazy, oh so crazy
Why am I here, am I just wasting my time?
But then I see my baby
Suddenly I'm not crazy
It all makes sense when I look into her eyes
[Chorus]
Somtimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders
Everyone's leanin' on me
Cuz sometimes it feels like the world's almost over
But then she comes back to me
[Verse 2 - Sung]
My baby girl [Hailie laughs] keeps gettin' older
I watch her grow up with pride
People make jokes, cuz they don't understand me
They just don't see my real side
I act like shit don't phase me,
Inside it drives me crazy
My insecurities could eat me alive
But then I see my baby
Suddenly I'm not crazy
It all makes sense when I look into her eyes
[Chorus]
[Verse 3 - Rapped]
Man, if I could sing, I'd keep singing this song to my daughter
If I could hit the notes, I'd blow something as long as my father
To show her how I feel about her, how proud I am that I got her
God, I'm a daddy, I'm so glad that her mum didn't abort
Now you probly get this picture from my public persona
That I'm a pistol-packing drug-addict who bags on his momma,
But I wanna just take this time out to be perfectly honest
Cuz there's a lot of shit I keep bottled that hurts deep inside o' my soul,
And just know that I grow colder the older I grow
This boulder on my shoulder gets heavy and harder to hold
And this load is like the weight of the world
And I think my neck is breaking should I just give up,
Or try to live up to these expectations?
Now look, I love my daughter more than life in itself,
But I got a wife that's determined to make my life livin'hell
But I handle it well, given the circumstances I'm dealt
So many chances, man, it's too bad, coulda had someone else
But the years that I've wasted are nothing to the tears that I've tasted
So here's what I'm facin':
3 felonies, 6 years of probation
I've went to jail for this woman, I've been to bat for this woman
I've taken bats to peoples backs, bent over backwards for this woman
Man, I shoulda seen it comin', why'd I stick my penis up in?
Woulda ripped the pre-nup up if I'd seen what she was fuckin'
But fuck it, it's over, there's no more reason to cry no more
I got my baby, baby the only lady that I adore, Hailie
So sayonara, try tomorra, nice to know ya
My baby's travelled back to the arms of her rightful owner
And suddenly it seems that my shoulder blades have just shifted
It's like the greatest gift you can get
The weight has been lifted
Now it don't feel like the world's on my shoulders
Everyone's leanin' on me
Cuz my baby know's that her daddy's a soldier
Nothin' can take her from me
[Outro - Spoken]
Woo!
I told you I can't sing.
Oh well, I tried
Hailie, 'member when I said
If you ever need anything, daddy will be right there?
Well guess what?
Daddy's here.
And I ain't goin'nowhere baby
I love you! (kiss)
Some days I sit, starin' out the window
Watchin' this world pass me by
Sometimes I think theres nothin' to live for
I almost break down and cry
Somtimes I think I'm crazy
I'm crazy, oh so crazy
Why am I here, am I just wasting my time?
But then I see my baby
Suddenly I'm not crazy
It all makes sense when I look into her eyes
[Chorus]
Somtimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders
Everyone's leanin' on me
Cuz sometimes it feels like the world's almost over
But then she comes back to me
[Verse 2 - Sung]
My baby girl [Hailie laughs] keeps gettin' older
I watch her grow up with pride
People make jokes, cuz they don't understand me
They just don't see my real side
I act like shit don't phase me,
Inside it drives me crazy
My insecurities could eat me alive
But then I see my baby
Suddenly I'm not crazy
It all makes sense when I look into her eyes
[Chorus]
[Verse 3 - Rapped]
Man, if I could sing, I'd keep singing this song to my daughter
If I could hit the notes, I'd blow something as long as my father
To show her how I feel about her, how proud I am that I got her
God, I'm a daddy, I'm so glad that her mum didn't abort
Now you probly get this picture from my public persona
That I'm a pistol-packing drug-addict who bags on his momma,
But I wanna just take this time out to be perfectly honest
Cuz there's a lot of shit I keep bottled that hurts deep inside o' my soul,
And just know that I grow colder the older I grow
This boulder on my shoulder gets heavy and harder to hold
And this load is like the weight of the world
And I think my neck is breaking should I just give up,
Or try to live up to these expectations?
Now look, I love my daughter more than life in itself,
But I got a wife that's determined to make my life livin'hell
But I handle it well, given the circumstances I'm dealt
So many chances, man, it's too bad, coulda had someone else
But the years that I've wasted are nothing to the tears that I've tasted
So here's what I'm facin':
3 felonies, 6 years of probation
I've went to jail for this woman, I've been to bat for this woman
I've taken bats to peoples backs, bent over backwards for this woman
Man, I shoulda seen it comin', why'd I stick my penis up in?
Woulda ripped the pre-nup up if I'd seen what she was fuckin'
But fuck it, it's over, there's no more reason to cry no more
I got my baby, baby the only lady that I adore, Hailie
So sayonara, try tomorra, nice to know ya
My baby's travelled back to the arms of her rightful owner
And suddenly it seems that my shoulder blades have just shifted
It's like the greatest gift you can get
The weight has been lifted
Now it don't feel like the world's on my shoulders
Everyone's leanin' on me
Cuz my baby know's that her daddy's a soldier
Nothin' can take her from me
[Outro - Spoken]
Woo!
I told you I can't sing.
Oh well, I tried
Hailie, 'member when I said
If you ever need anything, daddy will be right there?
Well guess what?
Daddy's here.
And I ain't goin'nowhere baby
I love you! (kiss)
Isn't it wonderful? I admit it sometimes his lyrics can be so offensive, but hey, he had gone through hell. If I was given the chance to be him, I'd do so much worse. I can't even stand my own normal life, what more to be in his shoes. I've cried over little things, I can't imagine going through the life he lives.
"Going Through Changes"
[Ozzy]
I'm going through changes
I'm going through changes
[Eminem]
Lately I really, feel like I'm rolling for delph like Philly,
I feel like I'm losing control of myself, I sincerely,
Apologize if all that I sound like is I'm complaining,
But life keeps on complicating, an' I'm debating,
On leaving this world, this evening, even my girls,
Can see I'm grievin', I try and hide it,
But I can't, why do I act like I'm all high and mighty,
When inside, I'm dying, I am finally realizing I need help.
I can't do it by myself, too weak, 2 weeks I've been having ups and downs,
Going through peaks and valleys, dilly dallying,
Around with the idea, of ending the shit right here.
I'm hatin' my reflection, I walk around the house tryin' to fight mirrors,
I can't stand what I look like, yeah, I look fat, but what do I care?
I give a fuck, only thing I fear, is Hailie,
I'm afraid if I close my eyes I might see her,
Shit..
[Chorus]
[Eminem]
I lock myself in the bedroom, bathroom, nappin' at noon,
Yeah dad's in a bad mood, he's always snappin' at you.
Marshall what happened at you, you can't stop with these pills,
And you've fallen off with your skills, and your own fans are laughin' at you.
It become a problem you're too pussy to tackle, get up,
Be a man, stand, a real man woulda had this shit handled.
Know you just had your heart ripped out and crushed,
They say Proof just flipped out, homie just swift out and bust,
Nah, it ain't like Doody to do that,
He wouldn't fuckin' shoot at, no-body, he fights first,
But dwellin' on it only makes the night worse,
Now I'm poppin Vic's, perks and Methadone pills.
Yeah Em, tight verse, you killed it,
Fuckin' drug dealers hang around me like "yes man",
And they gon' do whatever I says when, I says it,
It's in their best interest to protect their investment.
And I just lost my fuckin' best friend, so fuck it, I guess then...
[Chorus]
Don't know what I'm gonna do, but I just keep on going through changes...
My friends can't understand this new me,
That's understandable man, but just think how bananas you'd be,
You'd be an animal too, if you were trapped in this fame and caged in it like a zoo.
And everybody's lookin' at you, what you want me to do,
I'm startin' to live like a recluse and the truth is,
Fame startin' to give me an excuse, to be at a all time low.
I sit alone in my home theatre, watchin' the same damn DVD,
Of the first tour, the last tour, he was still alive.
And it hurt sore, fast forward, sleepin' pills'll make me feel alright.
And if I'm still awake in the middle of the night,
I just take a couple more, yeah you're motherfuckin' right,
I ain't slowin' down for no one, I am almost homeward bound.
Almost in a coma, yeah homie come on, dole 'em out
Daddy, don't you die on me, daddy, better hold your ground.
Fuck, don't I know the sound of that voice,
Yeah baby hold me down.
[Chorus]
[Eminem]
Wake up in the hospital, full of tubes, plus somehow I'm pullin' through.
Swear when I come back I'ma be bulletproof.
I'ma do it just for Proof, I think I should state a few,
Facts, cause I may not get a chance again to say the truth.
Shit it just hit me that what if I would notta made it through?
I think about the things I would have never got to say to you,
I'd never get to make it right, so here's what I came to do.
Hailie this one is for you, Whitney and Alaina too,
I still love your mother, that'll never change,
Think about her every day, we just could never get it together.
Hey, wish there was a better way, for me to say it,
But I swear on everything, I'd do anything for her on any day.
There are just too many things, to explain, when it rains,
Guess it pours, yes it does, wish there wasn't any pain.
But I can't pretend there ain't, I ain't placin' any blame,
I ain't pointin' fingers, heaven knows i've never been a saint.
I know it just feels like we just pissed away our history,
But just today, I looked at your picture, almost if to say,
I miss you self consciously, wish it didn't end this way.
But I just had to get away, don't know why,
I don't know what else to say, I guess I'm..
[Ozzy]
I'm going through changes
I'm going through changes
[Eminem]
Lately I really, feel like I'm rolling for delph like Philly,
I feel like I'm losing control of myself, I sincerely,
Apologize if all that I sound like is I'm complaining,
But life keeps on complicating, an' I'm debating,
On leaving this world, this evening, even my girls,
Can see I'm grievin', I try and hide it,
But I can't, why do I act like I'm all high and mighty,
When inside, I'm dying, I am finally realizing I need help.
I can't do it by myself, too weak, 2 weeks I've been having ups and downs,
Going through peaks and valleys, dilly dallying,
Around with the idea, of ending the shit right here.
I'm hatin' my reflection, I walk around the house tryin' to fight mirrors,
I can't stand what I look like, yeah, I look fat, but what do I care?
I give a fuck, only thing I fear, is Hailie,
I'm afraid if I close my eyes I might see her,
Shit..
[Chorus]
[Eminem]
I lock myself in the bedroom, bathroom, nappin' at noon,
Yeah dad's in a bad mood, he's always snappin' at you.
Marshall what happened at you, you can't stop with these pills,
And you've fallen off with your skills, and your own fans are laughin' at you.
It become a problem you're too pussy to tackle, get up,
Be a man, stand, a real man woulda had this shit handled.
Know you just had your heart ripped out and crushed,
They say Proof just flipped out, homie just swift out and bust,
Nah, it ain't like Doody to do that,
He wouldn't fuckin' shoot at, no-body, he fights first,
But dwellin' on it only makes the night worse,
Now I'm poppin Vic's, perks and Methadone pills.
Yeah Em, tight verse, you killed it,
Fuckin' drug dealers hang around me like "yes man",
And they gon' do whatever I says when, I says it,
It's in their best interest to protect their investment.
And I just lost my fuckin' best friend, so fuck it, I guess then...
[Chorus]
Don't know what I'm gonna do, but I just keep on going through changes...
My friends can't understand this new me,
That's understandable man, but just think how bananas you'd be,
You'd be an animal too, if you were trapped in this fame and caged in it like a zoo.
And everybody's lookin' at you, what you want me to do,
I'm startin' to live like a recluse and the truth is,
Fame startin' to give me an excuse, to be at a all time low.
I sit alone in my home theatre, watchin' the same damn DVD,
Of the first tour, the last tour, he was still alive.
And it hurt sore, fast forward, sleepin' pills'll make me feel alright.
And if I'm still awake in the middle of the night,
I just take a couple more, yeah you're motherfuckin' right,
I ain't slowin' down for no one, I am almost homeward bound.
Almost in a coma, yeah homie come on, dole 'em out
Daddy, don't you die on me, daddy, better hold your ground.
Fuck, don't I know the sound of that voice,
Yeah baby hold me down.
[Chorus]
[Eminem]
Wake up in the hospital, full of tubes, plus somehow I'm pullin' through.
Swear when I come back I'ma be bulletproof.
I'ma do it just for Proof, I think I should state a few,
Facts, cause I may not get a chance again to say the truth.
Shit it just hit me that what if I would notta made it through?
I think about the things I would have never got to say to you,
I'd never get to make it right, so here's what I came to do.
Hailie this one is for you, Whitney and Alaina too,
I still love your mother, that'll never change,
Think about her every day, we just could never get it together.
Hey, wish there was a better way, for me to say it,
But I swear on everything, I'd do anything for her on any day.
There are just too many things, to explain, when it rains,
Guess it pours, yes it does, wish there wasn't any pain.
But I can't pretend there ain't, I ain't placin' any blame,
I ain't pointin' fingers, heaven knows i've never been a saint.
I know it just feels like we just pissed away our history,
But just today, I looked at your picture, almost if to say,
I miss you self consciously, wish it didn't end this way.
But I just had to get away, don't know why,
I don't know what else to say, I guess I'm..
"Talkin' 2 Myself"
(feat. Kobe)
[Intro]
Ayo Before I start this song man
I just want to thank everybody for being so patient
And baring with me over these last couple of years
While I figure this shit out
[Chorus - Kobe]
Is anybody out there?
It feels like I'm talkin to myself
No one seems to know my struggle
And everything I come from
Can anybody hear me?
I guess I keep talkin to myself
It feels like I'm going insane
Am I the one who's crazy?
Yeayah
Woah wah
Woah wah (oh oh oh oh oh)
Woah wah
Woah wah (oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)
[Bridge - Eminem]
So why in the world do I feel so alone
Nobody but me, I'm on my own
Is there anyone out there
Who feels the way I feel
If there is, let me hear just so I know I'm not the only one
[Eminem]
I went away I guess to open up some lanes
But there was no one who even knew that I was going through growin' pains
Hatred was flowing through my veins
On the verge of going insane
I almost made a song dissin Lil Wayne
It's like I was jealous of him 'cause of the attention he was gettin'
I felt horrible about myself
He was spittin and I wasn't
Anyone who was buzzin back then coulda got it
Almost went at Kanye too
God it feels like I'm goin' psychotic
Thank god that I didn't do it
I would've had my ass handed to me
And I knew it but proof wasn't here to see me through it
Im in the booth poppin another pill tryna talk myself into it
Are you stupid? You gon' start dissin people for no reason?
Especially when you can't even write a decent punchline even
You're lying to yourself, you're slowly dying, you're denying
Your health is declining with your self-esteem, you're crying out for help
[Chorus - Kobe]
[Bridge - Eminem]
[Eminem]
Marshall you're no longer the man, that's a bitter pill to swallow
All I know is I'm wallowin', self-loathing and hollow
Bottoms up on the pill bottle
Maybe I'll hit my bottom tomorrow
My sorrow echoes in this hall though
But I must be talkin to the wall though
I don't see nobody else (I guess I keep talkin to myself)
But all these other rappers suck is all that I know
I've turned into a hater, I've put up a false bravado
But Marshall is not a egomaniac thats not his motto
He's not a desperado he's desperate, his thoughts are bottled inside him
One foot on the brake one on the throttle
Fallin asleep with writers block in the parking lot of mcdonalds
But instead of feeling sorry for yourself do something about it
Admit you got a problem you brain is clouded you pouted long enough
It isn't them its you you fuckin baby
Quit worrying about what they do and do fuckin shady
I'm fucking going crazy
[Chorus - Kobe]
[Bridge - Eminem]
[Eminem]
So I pick up myself off the ground and fuckin swam before I drowned
Hit my bottom so hard I bounce twice suffice this time around
It's different them last two albums didn't count
Encore I was on drugs, Relapse I was flushing em out
I've come up to make it up to you no more fucking around
I've got something to prove to fans I feel like I let em down
So please accept my apology I finally feel like I'm back to normal
I feel like me again, so let me formally reintroduce myself to you for those of you who dont know
The new me's back to the old me and homie I don't show no
Signs of slowin up, oh and I'm blowin up all over
My life is no longer a movie but the shows aint over homos
I'm back with a vengeance homie weezy keep ya head up
T.I. keep ya head up, Kanye keep ya head up
Don't let up, keep slayin em
Rest in Peace to DJ AM
Cause I know what its like
I struggle with this shit every single day
(feat. Kobe)
[Intro]
Ayo Before I start this song man
I just want to thank everybody for being so patient
And baring with me over these last couple of years
While I figure this shit out
[Chorus - Kobe]
Is anybody out there?
It feels like I'm talkin to myself
No one seems to know my struggle
And everything I come from
Can anybody hear me?
I guess I keep talkin to myself
It feels like I'm going insane
Am I the one who's crazy?
Yeayah
Woah wah
Woah wah (oh oh oh oh oh)
Woah wah
Woah wah (oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)
[Bridge - Eminem]
So why in the world do I feel so alone
Nobody but me, I'm on my own
Is there anyone out there
Who feels the way I feel
If there is, let me hear just so I know I'm not the only one
[Eminem]
I went away I guess to open up some lanes
But there was no one who even knew that I was going through growin' pains
Hatred was flowing through my veins
On the verge of going insane
I almost made a song dissin Lil Wayne
It's like I was jealous of him 'cause of the attention he was gettin'
I felt horrible about myself
He was spittin and I wasn't
Anyone who was buzzin back then coulda got it
Almost went at Kanye too
God it feels like I'm goin' psychotic
Thank god that I didn't do it
I would've had my ass handed to me
And I knew it but proof wasn't here to see me through it
Im in the booth poppin another pill tryna talk myself into it
Are you stupid? You gon' start dissin people for no reason?
Especially when you can't even write a decent punchline even
You're lying to yourself, you're slowly dying, you're denying
Your health is declining with your self-esteem, you're crying out for help
[Chorus - Kobe]
[Bridge - Eminem]
[Eminem]
Marshall you're no longer the man, that's a bitter pill to swallow
All I know is I'm wallowin', self-loathing and hollow
Bottoms up on the pill bottle
Maybe I'll hit my bottom tomorrow
My sorrow echoes in this hall though
But I must be talkin to the wall though
I don't see nobody else (I guess I keep talkin to myself)
But all these other rappers suck is all that I know
I've turned into a hater, I've put up a false bravado
But Marshall is not a egomaniac thats not his motto
He's not a desperado he's desperate, his thoughts are bottled inside him
One foot on the brake one on the throttle
Fallin asleep with writers block in the parking lot of mcdonalds
But instead of feeling sorry for yourself do something about it
Admit you got a problem you brain is clouded you pouted long enough
It isn't them its you you fuckin baby
Quit worrying about what they do and do fuckin shady
I'm fucking going crazy
[Chorus - Kobe]
[Bridge - Eminem]
[Eminem]
So I pick up myself off the ground and fuckin swam before I drowned
Hit my bottom so hard I bounce twice suffice this time around
It's different them last two albums didn't count
Encore I was on drugs, Relapse I was flushing em out
I've come up to make it up to you no more fucking around
I've got something to prove to fans I feel like I let em down
So please accept my apology I finally feel like I'm back to normal
I feel like me again, so let me formally reintroduce myself to you for those of you who dont know
The new me's back to the old me and homie I don't show no
Signs of slowin up, oh and I'm blowin up all over
My life is no longer a movie but the shows aint over homos
I'm back with a vengeance homie weezy keep ya head up
T.I. keep ya head up, Kanye keep ya head up
Don't let up, keep slayin em
Rest in Peace to DJ AM
Cause I know what its like
I struggle with this shit every single day
If you are repulsed by these rapping thing-y, you should read it. It inspires me all the time. If it's not 3 in the morning, I would copy all his lyrics into my blog.
I am trying so hard and I think I almost succeed. Never mind the tears cause it'll only make you stronger. I may be seen in high spirits all of the time, but well, it is always a successful fake ones. I hope not to be a counterfeit anymore, but I don't want to be called emo. I hate the fact that people are so benign that they would help you in anyway they can because I have this problem of avoiding the people I share my problems with simply because I can't stand the sorry eyes when they look at me, the unusual polite treatment and you know, all the nice stuffs they do after they know about what I was going through. It put tears in my eyes. LOL, I'm so gonna be emo this coming new year. But, I don't remember sharing anything to anyone nowadays so, no worries. I'm not in the mission to avoid anyone in the moment.
If I hadn't let go of the past, everything would be intimidating by now. I brought myself up. You should do so.
I am growing up :)
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