Here I am once again.

I'm falling into pieces.

No-lah. That was just for a dramatic start. So, today my school had this Ramah Tamah Aidilfitri going on but, I never expected that it'll end as fast as lightning. It was just the takbir & one song sang by trios. We were all like, "What the hell? That's it?". Luckily, there were food everywhere. We sprung to the table where all the food was and dig in. I didn't really enjoy the munching part. All I wanna do was to take some pictures because this is the last Ramah Tamah before I wave goodbye to the school. Speaking of leaving the school, I'm missing the school already. The school, not the people in it. This few days, I've been spending time thinking about the school instead of the national exam. It's now that I realize I've spend so much time in school. Since I was in Form 1, going back at 1.20 is rare. Due to that, I got involved in so many things. I thought I would turn into a boy when I joined the MSSM, handball team and even the netball. Seriously, I really have that thought in my head. I'm so weird, I know. LOL. Maybe because I run too much, play too hard and lifted weight. I still can see my manly muscle today, you see. I am thankful that I got myself into dancing. By then, I felt like I was a girl again. I always have problem in trying to be in two places at a time. Practices clash but I still managed to be in all of the teams. Awesome. You would see me in school every single day doing something or sometimes nothing at all. I grew in the school. From a naive and ugly child to a still naive and ugly child but with a sprinkle of rationality, matureness and some kind of sense of humor. And oh, I've learn to speak Sarawak too. I am very fluent now. Very very very. That's why I will miss the school so much. Half of my life or five years to be precise, were dedicated to the school. I think it wasn't really the school  that I'll miss actually. Could you imagine school without humans in it? I'll surely miss the laughters of friends, gossips here and there, dramas non-stop, fighting over stupid things and so forth. I don't know. I always get confuse with what I say. What did I just say again?

Oh, I write crap. I always do. When are you going to realize that? LOL. Okay, I just wanted to apologize to whom I had offense. I am always excited when it comes to some kind of preparation for celebrations in school. So, when I saw the opportunity to help the teacher, I grabbed it. But then I realize I was like taking over the prefects' job. I was so scared, I started to imagine things and stuffs they would say behind my back. I was just trying to help the teacher. Nothing more, nothing less. I am not trying to steal anyone's spotlight. Do not worry and I am sorry. 

LOL

I can be so lame at times. 

Eew

shut up and put the money where your mouth is.

Oh, the tittle?

Random.

I am full of stories but, short of words to describe. So, today was the closing of Independence Month in school. I wasn't really into the closing ceremony because I was struggling in copying the correction for History & Additional Mathematics exam papers. But, I must say I was full of spirit when we were asked to sing patriotic songs. I was like waving my flag high up to the ceiling & sang with such great vibrato. Okay, that was way too much of exaggeration, no? It's so sad to see that the students weren't singing along. Come on! Now that it ends, you guys have no chance to sing no more. Boo ya! Why is it so hard for some people to follow rules & listen to wise words?  When Mr Marcus asked us to put our hands up and say 'I am proud to be a Malaysian', some who thought they were grown-ups and smart, didn't do so. I pity you guys for being into yourself. O my gosh, I sound like an angel falling from the night sky. I know people have lots of personality, mentality or to be precise, different way of thinking. So, I have no right to go all around about people not being a sport when Mr Marcus asked us to raise our hands. Just because of that particular thing, I judged people. How low can I go?

Eh, I was so upset that the prefects' dinner is adjourn. Why so? Ish. I bought the dress and all already and was told that the dinner is adjourn. Great! =_=" I am sensing that the dinner will be as lame as always. Or maybe no dinner at all. Whatever. I don't even care anymore. Plus with the prefects all tear apart, how do you expect the dinner to be awesome?

Oh, I would like to say this out & aloud. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH ME, TING CHING HEE? What the hell went wrong with you? Syifaa' saw the carving he did on the school table and told me about it. I have no idea how fucking retarded he is. I never talked to him since he became mad. I really have no idea. One morning, he wrote my name together with MCB at the bottom, at the blackboard. I didn't react cause I know he'll like it if I do. So, I play dumb till' today. I am not as frenzied as you, boy. Continue with your stupidity and I'm just gonna smile till' you're gone in the darkness of the ugly witch mansion. LOL. Not funny. And another little boy who needs to grow up, not literally cause he's meant to be at that height, is Manai. Stop pulling people's hair band. Mine, especially. I mean it >.<

 

I don't think the post is long enough after spending hours on the laptop. Well, I do not care. I'll just end this here or else I'll drag you people to another piece of crap.

Say a prayer to yourself - Russian Roulette

.

Selamat Hari Raya.

Selamat Hari Raya, friends & family.

This post wasn't supposed to be a Hari Raya post. I'm not really in the mood to talk about it. I have something to blog about but then again I don't know if I could. I've been quiet all this while and today's the point where I experience emotional breakdown. You may see me as normal as I was but deep down me, I'm pierced. I really am. Today was supposed to be a happy & enjoyable day. Too bad I wasn't part of it. Whatever I am about to babble here is what happen long ago which still happen in the present day. I never thought I am involve in this matter. I never wanted all this. Now not then. It turned wild ever since I asked for one thing from him. You know what. He wasn't happy with what I intended so, he went all over me. I am confused up until today. This very year I asked if he could stop text-ing me as I don't want to fall for him anymore. And guess what, he was mad for sure. I am the one who have to bare all the abusive words from him and yet he says he love me. Puh-lease. I can't stand the way he act so, I refused to be his friend. Don't guess no more cause I know you know what happen next. A few days back, we had an ugly fight. He wants revenge. I am willing to make him do that but he didn't. Too bad, doesn't it? Today, he asked for my apology, how ironic because the day before he was saying he hated me with exclamation mark. That doesn't sound so abusive, no? You have no idea. I have to bare all this just because I asked for us to break & not text-ing & not being friends. I knew he and his friend were talking about how stupid I am and how he was wrong for loving me. I deleted them from my friends lists and yes, they were pissed, I guess. Do I look like I care? I am not a thing you guys could talk about and be nice to when you guys feels like to. I would trade anything for this. I hate them for the rest of my life. I promise. It's up to you to judge me but, I know who I am. My friends do. I'm nothing like he said, I knew this but I cried because I never knew that's the way they look at me all this while. This happened since last year and I am shocked I could bare all this shits. Everything is beyond me. I'm tired of being quiet and settle. I let him say words I didn't want to hear, I kept myself silent, I didn't fight back and still he wants to win. He wants me. I don't want you. Thank you. Eh, before i forgets, think twice before having thoughts of wanting to be my friend because I am si kejam & si pemusnah hidup according to him. Really? I am? I never knew. My friends never told me that. And yes, he said I was like some kind of Satan. If anyone have the same thought as him, just tell me. I don't want to be Satan. LOL. Sigh. I'm not trying to make people hate people here but, I just couldn't stand this anymore. I don't know who to turn to. I just don't know. And to people who hate me now, I just don't give a damn. I'm tired of being nice and all. Suit yourself. Delete me from your friend lists if you have no plan to be nice or talk to me. That would've been good.

 I hate being emotional. It felt so wrong. Like everyone is pointing fingers on you and says "We hate you". Whatever happens, I have no other options than pretending to be happy. So.. And I would like to acknowledge Rina ;) Me love your blog. Write more. 

Seriously?

O yes, I am serious. What the hell went wrong to the blog? I know nothing. Whatever, blog. If you feel that you can make me mad by messing my post, fine. Suit yourself. Yer, merepak to the blog isn't really smart, you know. I know that, you don't. LOL.


I can't believe that I still haven't touched my homeworks. What a shocker, huh? Pfft. Not at all. I need someone to tell me when to do my homework. I am lack of commitment & discipline. No wonder my dad doesn't want me to go to university soon. You know me so well, don't you Papa? LOL. SPM is like two months ahead & I am still enjoying the holiday without feeling sorry for my exam grades. I went for tuition and that's it. I don't revise, what more to study. My inner self isn't really helping right now. I would go online when actually, I could finish my homework or study. Sigh. I just don't understand myself. Why is it so hard to study? That's easy. Because I can't resist Facebook and Blogspot. Maybe I should deactivate Facebook. Don't you think so? 

Wo pu che tauuuuuuuuuu weh =..=

Look at me still typing words when my homeworks begging for me to finish them. I can't stop typing. Blame my brain who makes my fingers move. Basically, it's just me :) 

Stop being stupid and start telling stories. There will be no images for this post as I am using Adi's laptop. I don't understand why his laptop is way more boring than my dad's. Adi, are old already? O my gosh! Don't be. LOL. Being stupid is just me, you see. 

So, I was dragged together when Adi send my grandma to her sister house. I remembered lots of embarrassing memories there. But then, I just don't care. LOL. She was cooking when we reached her house. That house has been there ever since. You could imagine how the house looks like. If you couldn't, try to visit her. She'll love that. I was asked to take her sarong at the second floor of the house and you know how I feel at that time. It was quiet, I could hear the stairs creaked when I stepped on it. It seemed like everything was made out of woods. The floor, the door and even the walls. Old houses have very weird design but at the same time, very unique and tough. So, I walked step by step to the room she was saying and the room was huge. Two queen or king size bed were in the room. The room looked small but you have no idea how big it was. I took the sarong as fast as lightning and walk slowly downstairs. Scared that something would happen, you now. LOL. No, I don't want to tal about that. Ish, spooky :)

I think I need to end this cause my mum and dad are home. They will be like "Girl, how long have you been online? You have to remember that you have exam coming soon. Exams is your priority...." and it goes on and on and on and on and on. And I will be like "Ya, yes, sure, of course, I know." Phew.

Excuse me?

What?

Today is Tuesday.

WHATEVER

he is mine.

O my gosh! I saw the tall random guy AGAIN today at the same place which was the chicken rice shop. As soon as I entered the shop, my head automatically turned to the table where he was seated. I was so excited that I just have to tell Adi that he was the guy. I became somehow uncontrollable. LOL. He looked simple but still, I just can't resist. I was so lucky that he stood up and I could actually see his tallness. I have to say this, O MY LORD, he is tall. LOL. His head almost touched the end of the door. This time, it ain't exaggeration. He wore normal jeans, the same kind of button t-shirt with different color, grey socks and black shoes. I am still attracted to him, though. He talked to someone at a table and that was when I took my time to stare at him. LOL. I was so in trouble! His hair was tied like the first time I saw him but this time around his hair was a little bit messy that he had to comb them back with his bare hands. LOL. Handsome. I guarantee I'll be speechless if ever he talks to me. However, I am confident that it will never happen even if I am the last person living on Earth with him. I have no idea what happen to the blogspot or probably this laptop cause the image is way up there when it is suppose to be way down here and I can't press ENTER to make space between paragraph. So, this means you guys have to read a long, dragging, annoying, disgusting paragraph. This would be the worst day of your life, believe me. LOL. Considering that the holiday has just started, I plan to blog everyday but then, I changed my mind. I am not that hardworking. Perhaps, I am really not. Or, in other word, I'm lazy and that's why I have problem keeping myself on track especially with plans like blogging everyday. Hence, I'll post whatever I have in mind whenever I have to. It would be a miracle if I was seen to blog everyday, Iqbal :) For your information, all the related images are way up there. Figure out which one belongs to which. That would be fun, wouldn't they? LOL. I had waste so much time today. I went for tuition at 8.30 in the morning and never came back after that. Actually, I did just for a while. I believe this is due to the long lost driver, Adi Sukarnoe Zechariah Habibi Along that have just arrived from Tanjung Malim. Lets hope that tomorrow will not be the same as I have tons of homework to be done. Thank you so much, teacher. THANK YOU. Sigh. I really have to learn to sleep early. I notice that my sleeping pattern sucks. The worst part is, I haven't study for my coming SPM. Impressive, no? I need to "service" myself before the school re-open. I really do. 

               

a tall random guy.

I've been thinking about this particular guy ever since I saw him in the first place. The chicken rice shop was very much chaotic when we came. After we were seated & settled down, I saw a guy with somehow a very interesting way of dressing. I was so fascinated that I can't take my eyes of him. He was tall, fair and cute. Half of his shoulder length dyed hair was tied back and when he smiles, you could see his dimple from wherever you are (even exaggeration can't really explain how much I was attracted to him). His friends does not have any sense of style at all and I think his maroon colored t-shirt friend notice me checking out the cute friend. LOL. Seriously. He kept looking back at me as maybe his friend told him that I was staring at him.  He is a Chinese, I think, cause he looked like a Korean celebrity. He was far from my age, according to my assumption-lah. He looked like he's in his 20's. The most magnificent part was when he stood. O my Lord. He is tall. Real tall. His head was like inches from the ceiling (exaggeration). And yes, I kept my eyes on him all the time. LOL. At first, I was attracted to his checkered laced up snickers then, I saw his orange socks, which then made me go wild on him. His high water pant and striped  button-ups really compliment his height and looks. He should be featured in The SF Style. 


Because of this guy, I went to goggle for the style he pulled off but I found none that really matched. However, I decided to upload few images (copyright of The SF Style) which had resemblance to his style.

To be honest, the tall guy looks much more better and cooler. If I were one of the SF Style, I would snap his picture and keep it as personal belonging. Kidding. I kinda like guys with very strange sense of style if it suits him-lah. I has the desire to dress strangely or in other word, boldly but my mom will never ever let me do that. You know, mums. LOL. She would be like, "NO WAY! Try not to be different. Go with the flow." That's not exactly the words she would say but you know, almost. Sigh.

Some of the images from The SF Style caught my eyes so, here they are ;

Pretty, no? 

Sometimes, having Facebook is just gonna make us feel bad about ourselves and people around us. *Tiba-tiba emosi* Really. I just have to figure out how to fit in with people in Facebook. They are like two different person. I can't really describe with words. With people like me, who worries too much about little things, won't be able to cope with things going on in Facebook. I am not gonna spill the details as I understand some people are going through problems in their life. I, too, wanted to say that I am not exactly what you see me in person. I laughed and joke hard but, I had been going through phases of life where sometimes I feel like dying is the only option I have. You know me better than I do if you really care. 

O MY!

What was that? LOL. Girls are always emotional at the wrong time. Now I blame the girls when actually I was the one who did it. The world is unfair, I have to live with it. Gees. To be reminded that, I am not a good friend. I don't know how to be one cause I never felt like I have one. So, if anyone were hurt by my words or action, I am truly and deeply sorry. You have no idea how I survive in this world. Phew. 

Sounds much more better than complaining, right?