Jealousy is the ugliest trait.

Ah! I am not gonna talk about relationships jealousy and shit like that. I am just jealous of those who manage to update their blog like constantly. How do you guys do that?! Okay, maybe not constantly, but still.. All I ever did to my blog after my last post was change my picture above and that's quite it. Sad, isn't it? I don't know what the hell am I talking about here cos' girl, you've had this blog since 2009 and you're saying you can't find time to update your blog? Meep. Okay, yes, I am lazy and I can't think of anything to post because its either gonna be annoying or just plain boring.

Another jealousy go towards the same circle of people :) How do you guys make your blog look so awesome?! Look at mine. O my gosh.. Even an old lady with 37 cats wouldn't wanna read it. I am a noob. I'll go into your blog and be like, 'I'm in Narnia' *.*. But, I'm fine with what I have now, I guess. LOL! Plus, who goes into my blog and read all the shit I wrote? Uh, no one and I don't trust my followers either LOL! No offense, followers. Thumbs up to those with great posts. Me gusta. If I'm following your blog, you know you're that awesome :)

My title says, 'Jealousy is the ugliest trait', right? Look who has the trait now. And I ain't even mad :)

I've not been in my hometown for about two months now. Homesick? Yes. Homesick here only involves my families, my room and stuff I've left there. Friends? Uh. How do I answer to that? I rather not. I am blessed to be here and by here I mean, my campus because I've met a lot of beautiful people and by beautiful, I mean, inside out. I swear I'm tired of drama and I guess I'm out of it already ever since I came here. I am a free lady with a smile on her face :) The urge to be back home comes once in a blue moon and that is when I'll feel so down but then, I realize how strong I've grown after all the drama I was in. I've changed. I can tell you that. To the better not worse. I'm glad I am here and not there. If I were still there, I would be the same person who wants to kill herself every single day.

I am glad.

P/S:

No, I never meant it that way.

I'm actually here just to wrap up all the excitement after receiving my SPM result. I don't mean to brag or make people feel useless though I don't know why people would feel useless reading this. I, too, don't mean to act all clever and bright. I'm just making myself happy. Y'know, happy. I need to wrap up this happiness and move on. If you ask people out there, most of them would say, 'Good grades doesn't mean you're all that.' Yes, I agree. But, then again, we need to fuck what people think when all you wanna do is be happy of your result. Yeah? HAHAHA. 

I was reading a blog and she thanked everyone who helped her in getting the great result. I feel like I need to do so cause for goodness sake, I haven't thanked my teachers or parents yet =_____=' I am so negligent! So, yeah, thank you so much teachers. I know I am not a bad student nor a good student which means I'm average and usually average students are invisible. TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! Wait! What's my point of saying that again? Gees. The teachers had been patience all year long with me, encouraging me all the time, meeting me personally, trying so hard to find good materials, talking slowly so I understand better, asking me whether I get what they said and y'know stuff good teachers do. I'm not gonna mention names cause I believe they all did their very best to make me better. All of them. There were times when I hate them so much, but that was totally normal. Like, we all hate our teachers especially when it comes to homeworks and scolding. However, we all know deep down our hearts, we appreciate their effort on us. I love you all. HAHAHA. I've never been this deep. This is epic! TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Alright then! Oh, I don't know how to thank my parents! They are the best! I know I've made them happy with my results. Thank God for that! I thought I'd disappoint them, but my dad keep on saying that he is not going to be mad with whatever result I get cause I'm still his child no matter what I get, how I look and how fucked up my life is. HAHAHA. I know my mom feels the same way. They also did their very best to make me succeed. Sending me to tuition, asking my teachers about my progress in school, asking me how I was in school and tuition, making me study, giving me anything I need and just simply encouraging me all the time. To be honest, tuition wasn't helping at all. HAHAHA I'm sorry I wasted your money. I told you, I was screwed up back then. I just don't know how to thank you both :') Everything I have comes from you both. I know all I gotta to do is study, be successful and love you both for the rest of my life :'D I should learn to be less emotional cause I'm going to further my study. When I say further, I mean it. Y'know, far from home. TROLOLOLOLOLOL It'll be so difficult! *%&#^$*$^%#$%$#^#%#%#%!!

Wanna know a secret? Here you go ;

Bahasa Melayu = A

Bahasa Inggeris = A+

Pendidikan Moral = A+

Sejarah = A

Mathematics = A

Additional Mathematics = C+

Physics = C+

Chemistry = A-

Biology = B+

English for Science and Technology = A-

1119 (GCE-O) = 1A

I know the triple one nine isn't really necessary, but my dad told me I'm the best in school, so I figured I should. TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Nope, not meaning to brag. Please, don't even go there.

Oh! I did apply for UPU. I hope my choice won't kill me. I also apply to Matrikulasi. I don't know what to say. Really. I'm also not sure about all this further study stuff. Ugh! 

PILIHAN PROGRAM PENGAJIAN IPTA MENGIKUT KEUTAMAAN
PILIHAN 1 *	:	UiTM - E0600 ASASI UNDANG-UNDANG
PILIHAN 2 *	:	UNIMAS - W0010 ASASI SAINS HAYAT (BUMIPUTERA SAHAJA)
PILIHAN 3 *	:	UM - M0010 ASASI SAINS HAYAT (Terbuka kepada Bumiputera sahaja)
PILIHAN 4 *	:	UiTM - E0601 ASASI UNDANG-UNDANG
PILIHAN 5	:	UNIMAS - W0020 ASASI SAINS FIZIKAL (BUMIPUTERA SAHAJA)
PILIHAN 6	:	UM - M0020 ASASI SAINS FIZIKAL (Terbuka kepada Bumiputera sahaja)
PILIHAN 7	:	UiTM - E2060 DIPLOMA FARMASI
PILIHAN 8	:	UiTM - E2037 DIPLOMA PENGIMEJAN PERUBATAN

I did some changes today. Y'know, the choices. Please, if anyone of you have any suggestions, I'm open. I need to look at a lot of options. But, the application will end at 4th of April 2011 and I have two more chances to update. So, feel free to advise me. HAHAHA. I don't know if you notice the changes or not, but you will sooner or later. TROLOLOLOLOL

PILIHAN PROGRAM PENGAJIAN IPTA MENGIKUT KEUTAMAAN
PILIHAN 1 *	:	UiTM - E0600 ASASI UNDANG-UNDANG
PILIHAN 2 *	:	UM- M0010 ASASI SAINS HAYAT (Terbuka kepada Bumiputera sahaja)
PILIHAN 3 *	:	UNIMAS - W0010 ASASI SAINS HAYAT (BUMIPUTERA SAHAJA)
PILIHAN 4 *	:	UiTM - E0601 ASASI UNDANG-UNDANG
PILIHAN 5	:	UNIMAS - W0020 ASASI SAINS FIZIKAL (BUMIPUTERA SAHAJA)
PILIHAN 6	:	UM - M0020 ASASI SAINS FIZIKAL (Terbuka kepada Bumiputera sahaja)
PILIHAN 7	:	UiTM - E2060 DIPLOMA FARMASI
PILIHAN 8	:	UiTM - E2037 DIPLOMA PENGIMEJAN PERUBATAN

For goodness sake, I was electrified!

Who knows all the complains I wrote on my blog and Facebook statuses were all wrong. I was totally wrong! Oh, I was talking about SPM. I found out about my result yesterday and it was totally unexpected! I got 7A's, 2C's and 1B. OH SHIT! How can I not be surprise & electrified? I was all sombre and stress out about having difficult time studying and I got myself 7A's? Unbelievable! I was sick the first two days of SPM, got flu the third day and got home feeling frustrated. I don't mean to exaggerate, but I was frustrated after every single paper I sat. Yes, I did. My mom knows. She was also worried about me getting my result, but then again, I surprise her too. Hahaha. Seriously, I skipped a heartbeat when my dad called and told me the result. Wait! What if the education department calls and says, 'We're sorry for the mistake. That's not your actual result. Yours are much worst. We'll post the result to your school. You can pick em' up at school. Sorry, dude!' TROLOLOLOLOL! I'll sue the department if they do that. I know it's not straight A's, but never did I expect I'd get more than 4 or 2 A's. Seriously, I was so depressed during SPM. Like, I'd rather die. HAHAHA Anyways, I thank God for the wonderful result. Without Him, I probably have given up the first place. Congratulations to all, no matter what results you get! You're still beautiful & wonderful. Its not the end of the world. We still have long way to go. My A's will get me no where if I don't push myself after this. So, this means struggle more. Ugh, I'm bad at struggling! 

I wish us all lots of luck in life!

But, please don't depend on luck itself. 

#Justsaying.

And here comes the angel.

I am pretty much screwed up right now. I've been doing some thinking after posting about my scattered brain, you know, about the backing off and stuff. I questioned myself a lot and it seemed like the good side of me outweighed the bad ones. So, yeah, I am willing to suffer all over again. Just so you know that no one deserves a friend like me. I'm gonna make myself forget about everything and just die inside. Hahaha. I'm not playing. For my friends, anything will do. Cause who else do I have? My family doesn't count cause I know they're always there. Sometimes, somewhere deep in my heart, I wish for a friend who I can trust and share my problems with, a friend who can laugh with me without any worries, a friend who tell secrets that no one ever known, a friend who will never left me out in anything, you know the perfect friend. No, I'm not getting any of that cause obviously, I'm not in a movie. Yes, I'm gonna accept the fact and go with the flow. Though it hurts a lot inside. I don't wnat to be emotional bah. What happen to the resolutions I made for this so called new year? This is not a good start, emotionally. I understand there's ups and downs in life. I am trying my best to handle the downs. I just hope the downs don't murder me. That's all. I am sorry for the troubles. Never was it planned. And no, I'm not playing the victim here and I too am not begging for sympathy. Its just what the heart wants to say. Once in a while, its okay to say what you wanna say cause if you don't I'll be seeing you hanging lifeless on a tree. I'm gonna deal with it for the hundredth time. Thanks to my guts. 

Scattered brain, literally.

It bothers me that my blog is all about me. Hahaha I know that sounds weird, but that is. I read Obefiend's and oh shit, I love his blog okay? He is born to blog. In my blog, what you see is what you get. I still have difficulties to explain things especially if it requires writing. People nowadays are so smart. In a way that they want to read something heavy, factual and boring. Hahaha To be honest, I hate those kind of reading. Never was it my cup of tea. But, Obefiend is good at making people think out of the box and just question themselves. I don't even care to do that. Hah
aha. I don't know, maybe some of these days I'll suddenly 'fall in love' with heavy reading. Just maybe.


Does the eye see smaller font? Yeah, I don't know what's up with me. I just thought that the bigger font showed how much insecurities I have in me. I mean, it seemed like I wanted everything to be perfect and not screwed. Which in other word is fake cause I am obviously imperfect and screwed. I guess it's time for me to change. I am not going to pretend that I'm okay, cheery or fine. For God's sake, I've done that a lot and it looks like I'm eaten by my insecurities alive. Yes, I've made a decision myself. That is I'm going to back-off from your lives. And by 'your', I mean all of you, my friends. I swear I never feel like I fit in. I swear. There's no point for me to sigh about this anymore. I had enough and I'm done. I know doing this is wrong and it looks like I'm running away from problems, but, mind you, I said I've had enough! When we are at our breaking point, everything is worth doing. Even if it means suicide. Thank God, I am more rational now that I no longer am a close-minded. I know doing this is very close-minded and not rational at all, but again, I'm through this. I can't stand anything anymore. This is the end. I mean every word I say. Please forgive me if any of your plans screwed because of me. I never mean to do all that. And forgive me again if I ever repulse any of you. Again, forgive me if I appeared as fake in your eyes. I tried so hard to be friends with everybody so, I figured I looked fake. Anyway, I know this is going to be the sizzling news among you, but that's what friends do-kan? Yeah :)

Since the 'weather' up there is really damped, I'll talk about this new job I got. I'm not sure yet whether it'll be my part-time job, but at the moment the owner request me to keep coming. Its a nursery and a kindergarten at the same time, so you know there are a lot of kids, annoying and adorable ones. When you look at them at first sight, you'll fall in love, but once you're in the same room with them for 4 hours, we'll be able to see their true colours. Clearly.  Hahaha. Now I know where the serial killers first start their mission. You cannot believe what the kids did. Amirnudin (bukan nama sebenar) have this interest of hitting, pulling hairs and pushing other kids. He's a monster. No, I'm not kidding. He's not afraid of anyone (maybe just me) except for this one fierce with high voice teacher. I don't know what might happen tomorrow, but if he's a real serial killer, he managed to kill a few, several times. Its just cruel in there. You don't wanna be in there. I'm fortunate I have anger management class in my own room. Hahaha. So, I was pretty calm. I managed to 'cure' all the victims. Hahaha and I too saw one potential murderer in there. Oh my! Hahaha. Its kinda funny and scary at the same time. 

The moral of the story is just..

Hold your breath cause here I come.

Don't get me wrong for sleeping late. I just finished reading The Gift by Cecelia Ahern and you know you can't sleep after reading a great piece of work. I know I'm making a big fuss, but it's worth it. As in, I'm happy, you know. I am in high spirit that sleep isn't really the thing I wanna do. So, I blog. Of all the books I've read, I love them all. HAHAHA. Seriously. I laughed and cried with the books. Even if it's not Cecelia Ahern's, I still do that. I am so connected with books more than with TVs. Cause with books, I'm allowed to imagine situations, places, expressions, tones and faces. Its fun, really! 

This is the first book that made me go wild on her. 

This book made me want more of her.

Okay, I was a little bit distracted when I read this. You know, exams and stuff. I can't really relate to it, but I swear the story is (of course) amazing. It made me cry at the very beginning. 

I JUST FINISHED THIS AND WELL, IT'S EFF-ING GOOD. I WANNA SHARE SOMETHING THAT I FIND VALUABLE FOR ALL OF US.

" YOU SEE, WE'RE ALL MADE UP OF THE SAME STUFF. WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS, IT TRIGGERS SOMETHING INSIDE US THAT CONNECTS US TO A SITUATION, CONNECTS US TO OTHER PEOPLE, LIGHTING US UP AN LINKING US LIKE LIGHTS ON A CHRISTMAS TREE, TWISTED AND TURNED BUT STILL CONNECTED ON A WIRE. SOME GO OUT, OTHERS FLICKER, OTHERS BURN STRONG AND BRIGHT, YET WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME LINE"

That is some part of the wrapping up. 

Uh-la-la~ 

Yes, I can't wait to buy another book. That will not be anytime soon, but I'll buy. Or my mum will. HAHAHA. I've Google the books she wrote, some are not found anywhere in Miri. I hope I can find them. I want them to be found. I'll ask the police to help search. HAHAHA. Exaggerated joke! Its a joke? LAME~

Basically, that's it! I'm less energetic now. Maybe I can go to sleep now. Just maybe. Don't put your hopes to high on me. You'll definitely be disappointed. DEFINITELY~  

Here's a little 'something-something' for you to think of. It's from the Daily Gospel. Please, don't be shy. HAHAHA. I tend to get overboard with words sometimes.

"When was the last time you really felt hungry? If you are reading this now, it means that you have enough food to eat so as to afford a book like this in your hand. You can even choose what to eat, or what not to eat, or not eat at all. But look within yourself, and you will see that there is a hunger within us for something else. Look around you, and you see people rushing here and there as if looking for something they cannot find, hungry for something more in life."

So, ladies and gentlemen, the moral of the story is . .

REALLY? =_________=' ITS KINDA HARD~

And oh, Sophie Kinsella and Linda Green is not bad either. I'm saying this cause I've read one of their books. I'm talking to myself so, please don't be annoyed by me.

I whip my hair back and forth.

Guess what? I've passed the JPJ test yesterday. I'll be receiving the driving license next week, I guess. To be honest, I was nervous the night before the test cause I still think I don't know how to drive. Come on, my lesson was like not up to 5 hours, how can I not be nervous? I can barely sleep that night. So, yeah, I pray to calm myself. I woke the next morning thinking, 'What if I failed? I don't want to go back there. Its hell!' Yeah, that was pretty much the things I've been thinking the whole morning. I even asked a lot of questions to my father. HAHAHA. I was so screwed. But, I managed to act all cool when I was at the institute cause I got my Sudoku with me. I was getting anxious when I heard a lot of them were there to repeat the test. They mostly fail the test in the circuit. Again, how can I not be nervous? I hate the circuit. I was lucky that I my test was on-the-road first and did I mentioned a cool JPJ officer? HAHAHA. I passed the test on-the road, 19/20. I think the JPJ officer tried so hard to be cool cause I know I did some mistakes and he gave me 19. Way to cool! Oh oh, while waiting for my turn before the on-the-road test, there was this one guy trying to kill me in public. How can somebody be so heartless? I mean, smoking calmly next to me like he's so hip and stuff, pfft.. I was fortunate that I didn't die. HAHAHA. Okay, that was to much drama! Back to the story, I passed the test in the circuit as well. How awesome is that? And I just have to smile when I met this one girl who have to repeat the test. I asked her a question about some stuff in the circuit and it was funny enough to me when she said, gunung. How can we drive up the gunung? HAHAHA. I said bukit a few times, but she still prefer gunung so, what more can I say? HAHAHA.

Who said I don't?

PS: My mum bought me another book. Well, she paid, I choose. The Gift written by who else if not Cecelia Ahern. HAHAHA. I'm so gonna buy all her books. One at a time-lah. I've read 3 of her books. 2 of them were borrowed. This is my second time buying her books. Who cares, anyway? HAHAHA.

The moral of the story is..

All I ever talked about is me. And now, it's still about me :)

I don't know what's with me and long tittle, but I just find it necessary. Now-lah. Anyway, I don't mind blogging again when I have something to say or do here. Well, I don't have much to say than do. What I had planned on doing now is uploading my pictures since, "All I ever talked about is me. And now, it's still about me :)", you know. I like looking at my old pictures cause sometimes I'll burst into laughter just by looking at it. I find that I tried so hard to get the right picture which barely worked for me. We, girls or maybe just me, usually snaps a couple of shots before deciding which is the nicest and trying so bad to ensure that it looked good by editing it. These is so pathetic and hilarious at the same time, you know :) HAHAHA. But, as years pass, I think I change a bit. A small little bit. I'm not as dumb and trying so hard to be what not. Just don't die while laughing so hard, OK? 

This is so sad! The eytmendung is just awful. The face, UGH. HAHAHA.  

Ugh, again the eytmendung and the face!

I really thought eytmendung was cool, didn't I?  T_T Hahaha.

Okay, this is where you laugh your heads off! Oh my! SKEMA head? Really?!

I think I looked cute in blur, I guess? HAHAHA. Shit. 

I, myself don't understand this :3

Talking about trying to be cool, this is a good example here. Hahaha.

Trying so hardddddddddd =_=

Ughhhhh [=.=] Editing like I'm so pro. Annoying much.

Oh, this is just plain me. No editing and all. But, still....

I don't know. I just miss the necklace. HAHAHA. 

Sigh~ HAHAHA.

Yea. Maybe constipation. Or maybe its just me. 

Taking pictures in the mirror was popular back then. I couldn't resist. 

I swear I tried many times to get this. HAHAHA haisssh.

Forgive me. HAHAHAHA.

Too much effort. I guess. Is it? I don't know.  I like it. I guess. I don't know.

Nice try there O.o

Alright, enough with that. HAHAHA. I've been labeled when I was in the lower form by my friends. I guess they're my friends. You know the, perasan cantik, rasa cute, control and etc. HAHAHA. I learnt so much from that. I looked at myself and there were times that I realized I was really that label they said I was. So, from there I changed. I don't know how they see me now, but I'm happy with myself. If they hadn't said that, I'll probably be the-most-annoying-person-in-pictures-and-real-lives-on-Earth. Maybe I still am annoying, but hey we need that sometimes. HAHAHA. 

Anyway, I'm still human being, you know. Its normal to feel like we're the-most-beautiful-person-in-the-universe, right? So, just suit yourself however you want. I'm gonna do that. Don't you worry. HAHAHA.

The moral of the story is..